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[where'd you park the car?] [entries|friends|calendar]

[a developmentally disabled secret]
[ rendered useless in caveats ]
[ listless with leakey borders ]
[ entirely mine and yours ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[ mood | hesitant? ]

i've been writing in another journal for a while now. just to put something down, all secret like, without the whole livejournal "thing" of being watched and the threat of being picked apart. but it's getting lonely over there. add me, old friends and new people who have recently added me. i'd like it.


i guess i had to get used to how it felt before i could switch over for good.

p.s. does anyone else think it's hilarious that the spellcheck wants you to change lj to LBJ? wah wah wah.

EDIT: how about you just add it without reading the entries? that would make me more comfortable. later if you're bored and care about me that much maybe you could read them.

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on hiatus

i'll be back when i can write in livejournal without becoming motherfucking obsessive about it
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they get dirty and need washing [06.29]
[ mood | more tea please ]

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things to remember:

number 1: don't let your self spill on other people.
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i'm done with college and i didn't do anything the whole time.
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i shouldn't be allowed scissors during finals week.
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oh, don't be [05.30]
[ mood | terrible headache ]

my old, broken digital camera gave me some movies, finally.
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<img src="http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/829/mvi51360xq.jpg" my old, broken digital camera gave me my movies, finally.
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see, there is a litter in the bottom drawer [05.18]
[ mood | exhausted ]

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uh [05.06]

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what is left [05.06]

these are sort of my photos from coachella.
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MIKLOS GAAL: ants but people [03.16]
[ mood | liking ]

"by playing with focal distance, Miklos Gaal turns scenes from everyday life into strange cardboard cut-outs."

found in this book, which is lovely in its entirety.
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seminarsemidying [03.11]
oh kaja silverman
oh lacan
oh mirrors and looks and gazes
oh denaturalized identity
oh erotic yearning and subordination
oh fassbinder, my friend,

please turn yourself into an essay, approximately 20 pages long, including footnotes and bibliography.

oh, and delete key: please stop sticking. i hate it when you do that.
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dirty little [02.19]
[ mood | achy ]

inverness • december 2005 • expired tmax

antsCollapse )
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keep on working on something better [02.19]
the kids at bay photo lab gave me a presentCollapse )
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dim sum monster [01.26]
[ mood | hungry ]

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w-w-want [01.18]
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light and shadow were my first words [01.17]
[ mood | rained on. ]

i have a splitting everything ache and i dropped my marxism class.

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bitterbitterbitter [12.28]
[ mood | blah ]

i want to make some best of the year lists but the only list i can come up with is a list of disappointing albums of the yearCollapse ) and stupid albums that i can't understand why people like.Collapse )

sadly, all these albums are frequenting best album of the year lists.

if i were to make a list of albums i liked this year, it would be so lacking in passion that it would make me depressed all next year. so i won't.

fake edit: anthony you're not allowed to freak out about this post.

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this heart [11.22]
[ mood | old stuff makes me giddy ]

more photosCollapse )
i'm guessing these are all taken in the early 1900's. if you have any clues to dating them, that would be awesome.

edit: actually maybe 1920's-30's? sailor suits say nineteen teens to me, but i may be wrong.

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[ mood | anemic ]

a while ago i bought this huge box of family photos at a yard sale. through them i can trace this family back to the early 1900's when they were either in italy or freshly immigrated (these look like they're taken in italy, i think).

these ones are really creepy.

someone died.

yes, it's a dead body.

can anyone read italian?Collapse )

i have this eerie feeling that i'm cursed now for scanning these photos and putting them on the internet.


1, 2, 3, 4, [11.22]
at sunset i heard the crazy bells again. i tried to follow them, discover their crazy secret, but when i got to laurel st. the traffic drowned out their carnivalesque blundering peals. i stood by the stream of traffic staring at the brilliant sky, straining my ears, feeling lost.

did you know that the etymology of the word carnival is "farewell to meat?"

goodbye, beef.
see you later, lamb.
hasta manana, chicken.

(this week has been a lovely relief.)
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friday night [11.11]
White iPod set

first five people to sign up and complete an offer get ten bucks.
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jack-o-lantern [10.30]

it was supposed to be death from the seventh seal.
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what is this lasting difference? [10.18]

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sometimes my ugly apartment does pretty things [10.18]
[ mood | nauseated ]

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one-two-three [10.15]
[ mood | bored ]

a freeway somewhere near milpitas, ca

bubble-eaters [10.03]
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bus window capture [10.03]
[ mood | nauseous ]

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architecture in helsinki [10.02]
[ mood | mmf ]

i like these guys, a lot.

and i like this picture, too.

(taken with my broken digital camera, somewhere between la and santa cruz, september 2005.)

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everybody's got to live their life [09.21]
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bye summersumsum [09.19]

(i thought this photo was a flop when i first got the roll back, but now it's saying more to me. i like intensity of the vingetting, and the movement in all but the very center-edge of the creeping wave. the color is like puke but it's very alive.)

ALSO can anyone tell me an easy way to post multiple photos from flickr? i need more flexibility.

walti [09.18]

cracks [09.18]
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curtain [09.18]
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backseat [09.18]

april, 2004.
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this is neat-ish. [09.17]
I'm trying to get all my Livejournal friends' locations plotted on a map - please add your location starting with this form.
(Then get your friends to!)
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the alien monsters attack [09.12]
[ mood | bwah ]

i spent lots of time tonight making this lovely drawing on ms paint. then i went to borders and totally unintentionally but totally intentionally flirted with the barrista dude who looked disturbingly like andy dick.

post script: i should have put bodies in the larger monster's claws... and a lot more blood. edit: done and done.

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slow down [09.12]
jesus christ, i am tired.

eval. [09.08]
Existentialism and After
Grade: A-

Overall, Molly Livingston's performance in Existentialism and After was nearly excellent. Her first two papers were nearly excellent, showing a high level of engagement with the course material, while her third paper was very good. For her final paper, Ms. Livingston presented a discussion of the relationship, both intellectual and personal, between Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre. This project, although well conceived, turned out to be a little too substantial for the class, but resulted in a good paper. Molly gave a nearly good presentation on a section of Heidegger, which was one of the most difficult texts in the class. Ms. Livingston was a pleasure to have in class and made some very valuable contributions to discussion.

there's something really awkward about the way this prof does her cut and paste evals: 'nearly excellent'? it makes me laugh. my favorite is 'nearly good'. my presentation was almost good. really, it sucked.
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football buddies [09.08]
i was walking down king street in edinburgh, fiddling with my camera, and these guys come carousing down the street. as they pass, they call out to me, "hey, take our picture!" and grin.

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so alone [09.08]
last night i dreamed that everyone hated me because i couldn't do anything right, and everyone in the world had had enough of me. we were on a bus, and nikko wanted to read hop on pop so i said i'd go get it for her, but i came back with spot's pet cactus by accident.

john had broken up with me, and we were fighting over everything we owned.

strangers grimaced at me as they passed on the street. i was so alone.
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one of those places [09.08]
[ mood | tickle-y ]

LOCH NESS. for reals.

when i was little i was obsessed with loch ness and i had all these characters that i used to draw that lived by loch ness and knew nessy or something. i don't remember what the story was, really. i got a scanner, so if i can find some drawings of these guys maybe i'll scan them.

the lab did a really crappy job of printing the rolls this came from. those dust specks you see are on the prints themselves, it wasn't just my crappy scan job. there's another print which is even worse than this one. gr.

the kodak bit is the film backing showing through. i like it.


[ mood | please let me sleep ]

i get such an easy feeling
when i'm staring at the ceiling

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something alive was near me [09.06]
being away from john feels like walking around with only one sock on.

i can't sleep.

also, there is a rat in the wall by the head of my bed. i can hear his tiny teeth grinding and his scaly tail flicking as he gnaws on the electrical wires, or whatever rats do in walls.
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sonny [09.05]

al pacino in dog day afternoon. fucking hot.
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[ mood | psychodelic ]

do you know that feeling where you really want to post, but you have nothing to say? you do.

i am getting sick, i thought i'd let you know. all those symptoms. i just took five vitamins at once, and i didn't choke.

no, i'm not od-ing on vitamin c, my mom just has a extensive vitamin collection so i look everything that looked like it might do me good.

by the way, i'm in inverness. i drove my parents' new car home from el cerrito bart, at night, on an extremely windy road without crashing.

on thursday i'm taking my baby brother to see olivia tremor control at the great american music hall.

i can't decide which shot of my beautiful family i like moreCollapse )

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i guess i donated five dollars to hurricane relief. [09.01]
three people on my friends list have used the word cesspool in their posts in the last day.

cesspool. cesspool. cesspool.

augh. i hate myself.
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sobriety [08.27]
[ mood | depressed ]

in the last year, i've lost my tolerance for a lot of good things. i can't smoke pot without feeling like i'm going to die. i can't drink too much coffee without getting an upset stomach and difficulty breathing. i can barely drink alcohol without becoming terrible mess. a whole cigarette to myself makes me nauseous. too much candy gives me an awful headache right away.

all these things used to make me high and euphoric. now they make me sick.

it sucks. something must be wrong with me.

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tails [08.26]
[ mood | zing ]

i almost cried when i turned my essay in.

i misspelled de beauvoir on the cover page. and my professor's last name. i was stressed to the max. the whole paper was swimming in too much information, stuffed into too little time. i left out what i actually found most interesting about it (de beauvoir's influence on sartre's actual written work) because i didn't have anything to support my claims except for some websites somewhere.

school is crap, so i'm going to read the adorno piece over the weekend that i skipped because of the essay.

BUT i was walking home from the bus stop and some hipsters were having a free yard sale so i took all their stuff:
•two neat sweaters
•an awesome white jacket which is pretty much exactly like one i got from a thrift shop a few years ago, but a bit cooler
•a t-shirt that my best friend when i was in pre-school had and gave as hand-me-downs to by little brother and sister (it's the blue one with the frog and the line, nora. i always thought it was a tongue)
•a striped elastic belt
•a dress shirt for john
•& a stegosaurus costume! it's just the tail though.

there was this one book i read when i was little about this girl who wanted a tail (a dinosaur tail), very badly. she found a girl who had a tail who wanted to be tail-less very badly. so they traded. and it was very sad because the girl who was now tail-less missed her tail. and it haunts me; the illustrations of the little girl missing her tail. she had big eyes, and she realized that the tail was a huge part of her. i don't remember if she got it back or not.

i have a lot of energy and i want to keep blabbering but i'll save it for later. and then forget it.

but there's one thing that's really important! i parents went out and bought a fucking bran-new car. a hybrid. we haven't had a new car since i was two! wow.

so that means -- if all goes my way, and it should because it's only rational, me being the eldest daughter and in college and driving distance away from them so if i have a car i'll actually see them once in a while -- i get their car. so good!

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